I care a lot about what people think of me.
I am a people pleaser.
This is my weakness. I can find myself making decisions based on my perception of what people will think of me.
I am insecure.
Currently, I am in some transition on what is next for my career that I cannot go entirely into detail about yet because I am working out a few things. What I can say is that I have been scared because I have cared about what people will think of me. Am I selling out? Will people support me? Will I be laughed at? These are a few questions that have been racking my brain.
These questions have heightened my anxiety. My body has felt tense, and it has been hard to breathe thinking about all of it.
But who cares?
Honestly- who are those people?
I mean, I love my parents, and I respect my friends A TON, but they do not live my life. I define myself and where I am going. This weekend I was watching a dance show, and a wave of relief washed over me. I was inspired by the dancing, and at that moment, all my concerns about other people went away.
I am in a constant battle internally to fight outside sources of insecurity. Today, I won. Tomorrow, I go back out to battle. To win this battle, you cannot seek the approval of other humans. Proverbs 11:7 (NIV) says, "Hopes placed in mortals die with them; all the promise of their power comes to nothing." People can help you, but they are not your saving grace. Although I know that as true, I tend to make decisions as if people are my saving grace.
Are you living your life or are you living a life that you perceive as good based on what you think your peers will think of you?
Are you taking the risks that you want to take or are you making decisions that make you feel safe with those around you?
I have been scared to take risks in the last few months. I have wanted to play things safe. I have wanted to please other people. Last Thursday, I turned 22- Happy birthday to me! What I realized about 22 is that time is on my side. I have time to fail. I have no obligations to anyone. I cannot get to where I want to be if I paralyze myself with this fear of others. So bump that!
I can promise you that my 22nd year of life will be the most ambitious year of my life. I am ready to jump out of my comfort zone. I am ready to define myself.
What are you going to do? Join me! I need help living this life. I cannot do this alone. I love meeting people and being inspired by their lives. What are some risks you will take in the next year? Let me know below!