It is so easy to post and create this facade that chasing after one's dreams is glamorous. To most people and my friends, they think that my life is cool and it is sweet that I am chasing after something that I love.

I mean it is sweet that I am chasing after what I love but it sure is not as glamorous as you might imagine. There is so much behind the posts, text conversations, and pictures that you don't know about. Let me be honest, chasing my dreams has been so hard, especially the last few months. I was on the fence about writing this post, but I need to be honest about my life and the realities of chasing my dreams.

As you know from an older post, I have audition material that I have been sending out to companies. I send out everything about myself as a dancer and as an artist. I give them photos, videos, a resume, a cover letter, and recommendations. By sending out that material, I become very vulnerable to each company. The artistic staff of each company then reviews my material and decides if I can audition for their company or not. I send out lots of emails and I just wait.

and wait...

Then I get a response. For the most part, I have received emails along the lines of, "Sorry, we are not looking to hire males this season." or "Sorry, we cannot honor your request to audition." I just put myself out there and to get turned down can be rough. No one wants to get a no. Self-doubt and insecurity in my dancing begin to sink in as the bad emails keep coming into my inbox.

The process of auditioning for companies is over a few months but if the first month is slow and not as positive, it can make the next few months, long and scary. This is where I am at. I have plenty of auditions coming up but it seems that the next few weeks will be long and tough. To be honest, each day is a battle. Battling lots of questions of the future. What is next? Is this even possible? Am I really suppose to dance? I have spent so many years, days, hours on this artform, is this the end?

Chasing my dreams has not been depressing the whole time. I am hoping to travel to a few places in the United States that sent positive emails to audition for their company which could be really exciting. Even though I am focused on auditions, I am not auditioning everyday. I have my usual work in the studios. I am getting to be part of some awesome rehearsals for upcoming productions which are really pushing me as an artist. Lastly, I have learned so much about myself as a person and who I want to be as a person. Adversity in life exposes the true character of a person (RULE 79).

I write this to really show some hard thoughts and realities that I have been facing the past month. I love what I do, but I would be lying to you and to myself if I was not honest about the difficulties and the adversity I have faced the last month. I also write this post to reach out to others who are facing adversity in their pursuit of their dreams. You are not alone. I would love to hear from you and what you are thinking or feeling about this adversity in your pursuit of your dreams. Although there is a lot of unknown in my life, this is an exciting time in my life and I cannot wait to see where I go next.