Yesterday, I had to change my plans for what tourist stuff I was going to do.
Today, I have to change my plans with what I will be doing with my life.
Today, I woke up anxious. I literally could not control myself and it was 4:30 in the morning. Since I did not want wake anyone else up, I was silently motivating myself by mouthing words through the reflection of the window in the kitchen. I was a mad man. My body felt good, and mentally I felt good. Finally, it was time for me to get to the Opera House and take the class. I was bumpin to a nice old school playlist that just got me amped. The sun was shining, no clouds were in the sky, and the Alps towered in the distance. Perfect day to get a job in Europe.
I get to the class, and after warming up, it begins.
I start taking class and I feel good. I see the other people around me and I was thinking to myself that I got this. I was doing my best that I could do. I was hitting everything. The director came in and watched for a bit. Even though I was doing well, I felt out of place. See, I am short in the world of ballet and I do not have long legs. The people in this class were tall and long.
The class finished.
Then I had the meeting with the director.
I did not get the job.
He said to me, "You are good, but I am looking for taller and longer dancers."
Ballet is a visual art form, and each company has their own look. I just did not fit what he was looking for.
Am I mad or disappointed??
HECK NO! I do not want to be in a place that does not want me because I would be miserable. I just have to find a place that I like and that likes me. This trip has been an accomplishment for me in my life and dance career. Not many kids at the age of 18 can say they traveled across the globe by his/herself to chase after a dream. I went to FREAKIN Europe for a week. I got to travel and experience a culture that I knew nothing about. I was able to do a lot of thinking this past week on what I want in my life.
Last of all, this trip has made me want this ballet dream more than ever. Traveling across the world to put myself in a very vulnerable situation and to be judged on my dancing was a breakthrough for me. I discovered in myself that this is truly what I want in my life and I will continue to fight for the dream until I have made it. I am proud of my performance here in Zurich. I did not mess up steps or have a bad class, I just simply did not have the right body type. I know I am good enough now to be a professional, I just need to find the right place. I have to go back to the drawing board and figure what is next chapter for me and my odyssey of chasing my dream.
Europe, it has been the realest! I am glad that I came. I am sad that I am leaving.
BUT
This ain't the last of me. See you soon Europe.