i am not inspired

i have yet to write a post in one whole month.

but here it is.

i am not inspired.

maybe you could tell from the lack of capitalization in my writing.

the ballet season has been off to a quick start. i have already performed romeo and juliet which i did enjoy. the crowd loved the show, and i enjoyed the process of getting the ballet together. it was a fantastic way to start the season. 

currently, i am getting ready for a children's ballet called not afraid of the dark. i am having fun in the rehearsals. i am working hard in my ballet classes and going to the gym. i feel very healthy and great about my dancing.

i don't feel bad about my career; i just feel stuck.

i am not feeling depressed but just not inspired. my creative juices are little. this summer i was all over the place making videos, dancing, and dreaming. right now i feel like i am just here. i am giving my best and not giving up at ballet, but outside the studio, i just feel... bluh.


i do not know if that's a word, but that is how i feel. the idea of if i will get promoted or not next season has been racking my brain which has been tough. i have felt a little lonely. i have not been my same creative self. my purpose in life is to create, and when i do not create, then i feel purposeless. therein lies the problem, i am not inspired.

that happens.

not everything we do will be an awe-inspiring, spiritual moment. sometimes work will be work (rule 122). i am not surprised by that, i am just looking to do something that will jumpstart me into feeling inspired.

any suggestions?

let me know.

maybe writing this post is the first step to getting out of this creative slump since it has been a month. this is matthew gattozzi just throwing words on a paper. thanks for reading.