BIGGER THAN ME
Wow.
Just wow.
This week has been one of the most encouraging and enlightening weeks of my life.
THIS IS BIGGER THAN ME.
I posted last week to share about depression- AM I DEPRESSED?
I was very hesitant to hit the publish button. I was afraid of being judged. I was afraid that people may marginalize the things that I was dealing with in my life. I was afraid to go to ballet because people may see me differently and approach me with caution.
NO.
I was wrong because THIS IS BIGGER THAN ME.
In less than a week, over 600 different people read my article. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT NUMBERS OR HOW MANY LIKES OR SHARES THAT I RECEIVE. I did not write this article because I wanted to start a scene or build traffic on my website. I write and have always been writing the last two and a half years because I love to write and I want to share my life to others. This was the hardest thing I have ever written, but truly the most important thing I have written.
So many people contacted me in all forms to encourage me or to share their stories of struggle. People told me their whole life story about their depression or how they are currently feeling down. I was INSPIRED.
When I hit publish, I was afraid. In less than a week, I have felt lifted up. Thank you for coming to me and building me up. Thank you for inspiring me to keep fighting, to not give up, and to love me for who I am. I have cried tears of joy because I cannot be more thankful.
This is BIGGER THAN ME.
Now what?
Honestly, I am getting better already. I have put in some good practices to help me sleep better, workout, and find peace through the day. I do still struggle. I can feel myself become very self-critical or doubt what I am doing.
This is a process.
You do not just get better overnight- it takes time.
As much as I have felt loved by so many people, there was one sobering fact that I learned.
I am not alone.
In some ways this is comforting because people can help me and I can relate to others. In other ways, the magnitude of people hurting is hard to know and there are more people out there that I have not been able to talk to or reach.
MENTAL HEALTH IS REAL AND PEOPLE ARE HURTING.
The worst part of this week is to know that there are so many people like me, but not a lot of exposure on a subject that is crippling me and so many others within this world. This goes beyond the dance world.
I will not let this just go. I can't. How could I let this go after hearing from so many people and their stories.
I will fight to continue to be vulnerable.
I will fight to be a voice for people who feel like they cannot say what they feel.
For right now, I will continue to do what I know I can to do- write. In the long term, I am committing myself to bringing exposure to mental health on a larger scale. How I will do that- I do not know, but I am ready to help others as others have helped me.
Again, I cannot say thank you enough. You all inspire me. You all lift me up. You all have made me better. You all have truly changed my life.
To those who are hurting, you are not alone. I am an open book, I want to be there to support you in your life. Do not be afraid to reach out to me- I will respond.